By 15 years old I had my heart set on being a mom as soon as I could. I was hurting from not having a stable family and thought a baby was a quick fix to the emptiness I was feeling inside. I had it in my head that this was the way to get someone to love me unconditionally. It was no surprise when I was pregnant by 16. Though it was unsuccessful, I was pregnant again by 18 and thought this was what would always ensure love.
Imagine my surprise when this parenting thing was hard!
My bipolar disorder kicked in when I was 19 and had Lilly. I didn't know what was happening to my body, I just knew I was miserable and bouncing all over the place emotionally. I started my first manic episode which led me to the cult that is Mary Kay, I lost thousands! I experienced my lowest lows, and wrote many suicide notes, but always looked at that sweet baby knowing I couldn't leave her. I truly don't know how I survived this part of my mental health journey.
So here are the top 5 things I was not prepared for when entering parenthood:
Your Kids Will Hurt Your Feelings: Yeah, these little brain ninjas will destroy you. When I was going through my lowest point from exiting my domestic violence situation Lilly said, "I don't like the smell of beer on your breath but I'm getting used to it." DESTROYED ME! They can destroy you on a whole new level. It doesn't even have to be that deep, it can simply be "You look like a potato in that dress" (True story) and you know it's the truth!
You Will Never Feel Good Enough: Even at your proudest Pinterest mom/dad moment, you still find yourself second-guessing who you are and what you are doing. You will always feel like you are screwing up your children, not doing things well enough, and just straight up thinking you are a loser mom, or dad.
People Will Always Criticize: Yes, no matter what you do, you will ALWAYS be criticized for how you raise your child. You can be the top Pinterest mom, doing everything right and someone will have a reason to complain. Don't get me started on those mom groups. One simple question and you're dragged over the coals.
It's ALWAYS Exhausting: Not just the baby stages, but the whole thing. I pictured that once we got past the sleepless nights of feedings, we'd be in the clear. Nope. You will hear "mom" 500x a day, be asked to find things that are in plain sight, hear "I'm hungry" every 2 minutes, and so much more. Then once they are old enough, you spend every waking moment worrying about them. It. Never. Stops.
You Won't' Always Have Those Insta Moments: A lot of Insta moments are preceded by screaming, threats, and sucking the fun out of your kids' childhood. You'll want to compete with the other posts on Instagram but don't know how when the kids won't sit still! You'll wonder how they got those perfect photos and start to feel bad about yourself.
Conclusion
So here is what you really need to know
You'll be your biggest enemy
Take it easy on yourself
Give yourself a break when the thoughts get loud
Seriously, give yourself a break when you start comparing yourself to the moms and dad on social media. I believe in you and believe you are doing your best, even if you don't. So give yourself a break, love your kids while they grow, and stop worrying about obtaining that picture-perfect moment.
The moment is perfect when you are present!
Hang in there moms and dads,
M
Comments