Standing Outside the Fire

My almost-husband’s favorite music artist is Garth Brooks and since dating him, I’ve also taken to Garth’s music. A few of the songs have really hit me in the feels including “Standing Outside the Fire”. It is a song that echoes something I’ve always struggled with: Why am I weak for being willing to take a chance to fall in love after being hurt? Why are others considered strong for throwing up walls and not letting others get close?

" We call them cool

Those hearts that have no scars to show

The ones that never do let go

And risk it the tables being turned

We call them fools

Who have to dance within the flame

Who chance the sorrow and the shame

That always come with getting burned” – Garth Brook’s Standing Outside the Fire

As with many movements, I feel we have gone passed what the original motive was, in this case, not calling singles ‘ol hags’ and celebrating one’s ability to be on their own. I have a ton of respect for those who have their lives together outside of being in a relationship, however, I have just as much respect for a couple who has put in the hard work to have a happy marriage after 20 years.

We have surpassed celebrating singles; we have blown passed not looking down on being independent. We have now romanticized being single and changed our thought process to consider someone weak for wanting love. We’ve forgotten how beautiful love can be because all we hear is the bad.

Like many movements, we forgot there is a middle ground that we can stand on.

I want to celebrate the single men and women out there, I want them to know they are no less than those in a relationship. I want them to strut their stuff until the right one comes along that will better their life. They are no less than someone in a relationship.

I want to see men & women being pickier before getting into a relationship! I want to quit hearing “I knew we weren’t a match, but I did it anyway.” Yes, I did it once myself. I was so miserable with myself and instead of working on myself, I dated a guy for about a month and ended up hurting him. My mental health was a wreck, and I had no business being in a relationship. We need to stop doing this to people.

If you are considering a relationship or even dating, here are a few questions you should ask yourself before getting others involved:

· Am I healed from a past relationship?

· Am I still in a space where I will take out past hurt on a new interest?

· Am I happy with myself?

· Do I know I truly am?

· Am I going to be able to be picky enough this time?

· Am I doing this because I am lonely or because I’m truly ready?

I can’t stress this enough, BE PICKY! You are looking at less sorrow if you are picky before it even starts. Find ways to keep the loneliness at bay so you know you are making the right decision. Take up hobbies and make sure you know who you are! Then when that right one comes around, you’ll be ready and won’t be distracted by others who were just time fillers.

Now with that all being said, we have totally lost respect for the hard work and dedication it takes to make a relationship work! We think that those getting into relationships or dating are weak and that we should all just be independent of any other person and proud! Do you realize how relationships aren’t easy? They are easier when you are with the right person, but there are always speedbumps along the way that you’ll have to work through.

What takes strength is having the courage to put your walls down after being hurt before, it takes courage to put yourself out there again. When you’ve felt heartbreak before and you’re willing to put yourself at risk of feeling it again, that is real courage. Those who take the risk aren’t willing to let a possibly great person pass them by because of fear or because the world has now told us we are cooler for being single.

Either way, you need to find what is right for you at this point in time without the world telling you what makes you stronger. What do YOU need?

Society can’t say what is better for everyone because every person is different and in a different chapter in life. But because society has started advocating so hard against romance, I’m going to make a case for it. I’ve always been accused of being in love with being in love.

And they were right.

There is beauty to love and heartbreak. These are what have given us some of the most beautiful artwork & music out there. Amazing things can come out of the highs and lows of love and heartbreak is what really shows a person what they are made of. Some of my favorite music are breakup songs even though I am madly in love with Mike.

Heartbreak & love hit a part of your soul that nothing else can. There is beauty to what is created by someone after their heart has been crushed and they are willing to share it. We all know that feeling and when you hear those songs, it brings that emotion out that nothing else can.

Oh, and those love songs. Nothing hits quite like those love songs when you are head over heels in love with that special someone. We wouldn’t get those soul-moving lyrics if it weren’t for the passion that love can pull from a person’s soul.

You don’t need love, but it sure feels great when you have it! And you sure as hell aren’t weak for wanting it.

Make sure you are healthy, I wasn’t in the healthiest of positions when I met Mike but luckily it worked out, it won’t always work out that way. Make sure you are ready! Don’t toy with someone else’s feelings just because you aren’t sure of yours. It’s a horrible feeling to be on the giving and receiving end of that kind of emotional game. Overall, just make sure you know who you are before you let someone in but at the end of the day, let them in!

“Standing outside the fire

Life is not tried it is merely survived

If you're standing outside the fire”

– Garth Brook’s Standing Outside the Fire

Much Love, M