It’s kind of weird to think about but I’ve never been worried about getting older, I’m definitely not stressing about being one year from turning 30. However, to say my 20s have been an absolute whirlwind would be putting it mildly.
I learned some extremely hard lessons: 2 divorces, homelessness, facing domestic violence, getting diagnosed with Bipolar & Borderline, and so much more. My life was in constant chaos for many years. Some of it was brought on myself, some of it happened to me, and some of it was residual from childhood.
I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without these lessons though and even the worst experience of my life had good come out of it. So, if I had an opportunity to go back and do it over, I wouldn’t change a thing.
Let’s get started with the first divorce, from my ‘good’ ex-husband, father of my children, and one of my best friends, John. We married when I was 16 years old and when our marriage fell apart 8 years later, I knew it was the right thing to part ways but that did not help with the panic I felt being alone after so long and now with 2 little girls. What was I going to do?!
I did what any logical person would do… I married a man I met in a Facebook group a few months after my divorce after talking to him for a month. It went just as badly as you’re imagining, if not worse.
This is what leads to the hardest lesson of my 20s, hopefully, will be the hardest lesson in my life because I really don’t need to top that. I abandoned my children and moved to Alaska for 3 weeks. I now know I was trying to run from the pain & the problems that were inside me. The problem is that I took myself with me to Alaska. I got there and my pain and issues were still inside.
I won’t be going into this further as we are still in the process of going to court for this. He is facing 7 counts of first-degree rape and for me and 2 other women. As you can imagine it was traumatic. Long story for a different time.
I came back from Alaska homeless, broke financially, broken emotionally, and with nothing more than what I had put in my vehicle when I left. At 23 I felt my life was completely over and there were nights I almost made that true. I had never felt as low as I did that next year. I still to this day don’t know how I made it through it all alive. It was a very dark time in my life.
Finding how to be a good mom wasn’t always hard for me but after Alaska, even seeing my children was difficult. Facing the two most important people in your life after you abandoned them. A parent should never abandon their child and I did, it doesn’t matter that it was for 3 weeks, I left. I’m proud of myself in the sense I let Lilly tell me every time how bad it hurt that I left her, or in her words “it hurt my heart when you left”. Those days I’d keep myself from crying, tell her she was exactly right to feel that way, and promise her that I wouldn’t do it again. Then I'd drink myself into a stupor that night. This was truly thee most difficult part of my 20s.
But Lilly and I healed, Rayne didn’t know much of what happened, and Emma took a few years to come back around. I thank the Gods above every day that I have my kids back and I have their forgiveness.
With that being said, what good happened in my 20s? I had my daughter Rayne, my ex-husband & I went from not being able to stand each other, to being divorced & best friends, I found an amazing career that I know is what I am meant to do, I fixed my inside wounds so I’d stop bleeding on others emotionally, I learned how to be a good mom, and I found the love of my life.
Before I exit my 20s I will be Marissa Ann Wilson, 3rd times a charm! I’ve found the one who is truly the Ying to my Yang. I’m wild, crazy, spontaneous (not always in a good way), and just straight-up unstable at times. Mike is fun and adventurous but he’s the definition of stable. He’s exactly what I NEEDED in my life if I was going to be with someone and I found him on November 3, 2019, at our bar. He changed the direction of my life and has brought me happiness I never thought I’d feel again.
I found a career in Social Media Marketing & Management. My dream job and I work with an amazing woman who is truly a blessing to have in my life! I recently had a mental health crisis and instead of reprimanding me, she supported me. I’m self-employed but she could easily have taken work away, instead, she told me to let her know how she can help. I will forever be grateful for her.
Now here are the top 3 lessons I learned in my 20s (That aren’t as dark as the Alaska thing).
I learned to want quality friends over quality. I used to want to have parties where everyone shows up, where you have to push 4 tables together because you have so many friends that always want to hang out. First off, who has time for that?! Secondly, you lost quality when you are just trying to push for numbers. I want the small group of friends I always know are there for me, the ones I can always call when I need them. Outside of Mike & John, I have 3 amazing people in my life. One of the has the audacity to live in Oregon but what are you going to do?
I know I can call these people at any time of the day or night and tell them “hey, I’m in a dark spot mentally, I need you.” Not everyone can say that, so I know how blessed I am.
I also learned to value happiness over money. Not because I ever got to experience what it’s like to have a ton of money (rude), but because I started seeing what people give up to have that money nowadays. I make good money, my bills are paid, and my fridge is full but I’m not working 80 hours a week. I get time with my family and friends that others don’t because money & material things have come first. I care less & less about material things each day, and I care more about the time I see loved ones. I can spend the next 10 years grinding, sacrificing time, and then die on day 1 of enjoying it.
I’ve learned to value the words of what you say when someone leaves your home. Early on in our relationship, Mike and I had an argument, and he was going to leave the house. I jumped in front of him and yelled “You can’t go! What if you die?! This can’t be the last thing!” A little dramatic but is truly a fear I have. Ever since then, he’s never tried leaving. We can go to separate rooms but we don’t leave angry. A lot of good people have been lost over my life and I want to know that I told them “I love you!” the last time we spoke. At the very least, don’t let your words be bitter.
My Biggest Accomplishments:
I think I could say surviving is a big one. For a few years, my friends and family told me they always expected the call that I was dead, and that my luck had finally run out. I have an amazing guardian angel who most likely despises me now. (I promise to be less stupid now, Belinda.)
In the last few years, I have gone from surviving to LIVING! I love my life, I’m enjoying being alive, not drudging through the day. I don’t tell myself in the mornings, “You can make it, just one more day.” I wake up excited about what the day is going to bring. Something I never thought I would enjoy.
Now, what do I hope to close out in the last year of my 20s?
1. I hope the court case will be finished by the end of 2023. I want to leave Clarence Charles Shirley the 3rd in my 20s and never think of him again unless its for a parole hearing. Then I’ll be there to remind the system what a danger he is. But no more monthly meetings, no more attorneys. I want to leave it be a chapter in my 20s.
2. I want to see my career with the company I work with grow to a new level while helping the company grow. I believe in this woman and the business she has built so much!
3. I want to see my beautiful Halloween wedding happen with my loved ones by my side as I do (Last time I promise!)
4. I want to see my blog hitting a new level as I enter my 30s, I want to see I finally stuck with it this time.
5. I want to see that I end my 20s the way I am now, happy. Most of my 20s were full of chaos and sadness, but I want to see myself closing them out HAPPY.
I’m not worried about aging, I’m looking forward to seeing how much I can accomplish in this last year before my 30s start. Or as Mike likes to say, before my AARP card shows up.
Words cannot express the gratitude I have for those who have stuck by me over these last 10 years, it wasn’t easy. You had to really love me to not walk away. I appreciate you. Thank you for your support and love, it’s what got me through the dark times.
Happy birthday to me!
Much Love,
Marissa
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